The last mushroom trip that I did began with intense anxiety. Several ancestors and dead relatives stepped into my energy field so that I could feel their story. Feeling the story of another person is something that we all have the ability to do and in fact, many of us feel another person’s story before we know anything about that person or about what that person actually has to say. The energy of another living person is something that most of us can feel and even “read” up to a point (it gets better with practice), but our own trauma and energetic blocks create warps in our ability to feel another person’s story. Blocks usually have to do with trauma or with parts of our culture (e.g. family culture, religious culture, ethnic culture) that we aren’t willing to work past usually due to fear.
On the last trip that I did, I had already “felt” many other people’s stories, but this trip had to do with a son-in-law and step-daughter who were estranged. And suddenly, mid-trip, I felt myself as a part of my husband’s family tree for the first time in my life. At this moment, I realized that I had never felt like I was a part of my husband’s tree. I felt deeply accepted in this way that made me aware of how I had, prior to that moment, felt deeply rejected for my entire adult life. I literally felt like I was a part of a tree that was made up of people (a family tree, but also a tree with a trunk, bark, and leaves). I felt the wind that moved this tree and how the tree could compel me or other people on the tree to go in a particular life direction (or not).
The words “firsts and seconds” began repeating over and over in my head. I understood this to mean that the ancestry was made up of a pattern of first and second wives, husbands, daughters and sons. While the “first” was always “bad” according to the pattern, the “second” had to go into exile and not be a part of the tree at all. I was, in fact, my husband’s second wife so this made sense to me and I went through a long list of other family members that I knew about in his family who had been either first or second to check the pattern. Based on what I knew and had seen in my own experience with my husband’s family, the pattern held true.
The pattern of “firsts and seconds” was something that had developed for lack of other resources from nature to restore a healthy, normal pattern in the family after the family members experienced a series of severe traumas. My husband’s family were Germans from Russia so they had experienced the feeling of being refugees – they felt at times as though there was no safe place for them to exist on earth. This was a trauma that led to more trauma in a spiral that evolved into this pattern of “firsts and seconds”. In order to restore a pattern to the family to help the tree become healthy again, radical changes were needed and trauma would have to be released from the system.
How to Heal from Toxic Relationships
Releasing trauma from a family and from the ancestry is nearly impossible (though not totally impossible) without the sacred medicines. But with the sacred medicines, almost any kind of relationship healing is possible. Though the sacred medicines will not help a person manipulate another person, they can help you change patterns of behavior that are toxic such that you can open up space to heal a toxic relationship. This “space opening” is like opening a hole in a woodwind instrument to play new notes that have not been possible before and to resonate with the spiritual winds that blow in from another person’s energy field. Opening a space between you and another person to heal a toxic relationship often begins with one person’s efforts to quietly resonate with the other person. Most of us have woodwind instruments that are clogged up by trauma–barely any wind blows through our energy field at all. But as we release the moldy yuck that clogs up the Kundalini and allow some of that energy to flow from body to mind and mind to body (which is our normal state of human existence), suddenly, new possibilities emerge in terms of our relationships with other people.
In intimate relationships, a pattern of wronging and taking by one person fits neatly with patterns of being wronged and always giving by another person. The pattern exists between the two people. The pattern is NOT about the people themselves, but rather a dance that the two people are doing to heal something that might be problematic for each party as a result of personal or even ancestral trauma. It can be incredibly difficult to see the “dance” while you’re also doing the dance so sacred medicines help us “stop the world”, take a breath and step outside of ourselves to see.
When one person loves another person, the love usually has to do with one person’s acknowledgement of the other person’s essence, not the dance that that person is doing. Mutual love is an acknowledgement of one another’s essence as something beautiful and attractive. But our essence doesn’t always inform the dance that we do in our lives and what notes we play as our “song”.
I’ve worked with a lot of people who were involved in so-called “toxic” relationships, but who felt this strong, persistent love for the other person they were with. Separation is excruciating for both parties despite the toxic patterns in their relationship. Society’s answer to this problem is to separate permanently and create a strategy of exile and avoidance. But love is more complicated than that and this strategy only creates more trauma. The idea that love is something that we choose to feel is so at odds with the human experience of trying to find love. People search for love, but finding it is one of the greatest challenges that we face. And then, when we find love, if we don’t like the song and dance that the person we love is doing with us, we’re encouraged to just give up on the relationship.
Finding love is about feeling the essence of someone else with our essence. Being in love is about learning the song and dance of another person. Mature love, in contrast, is a willingness to rework the song and dance, and come up with a unique dance that’s worthy of being passed down in some way to the younger generation.
The love between two people is a part of the dance that might be toxic according to society’s standards. But though society has certain useful guidelines regarding how to manage relationships, some of those guidelines contribute to the toxicity of our human relationships. Society is a self-serving entity that has become less and less human and more and more mechanized over time. The more mechanized society and community becomes, the less we can seek help from those who surround us to resolve issues we confront with people we love. A mechanized society seeks to make humans into a part of a machine. But human beings are not machines.
The tragedy of words is that they are often experienced as “rules” by the mind. The mind loves the neat and tidy idea of rules, but our human Selves are magical and “wild” and we can do so much more and be so much more than what the rules say are possible. So when we talk about how to heal a toxic relationship, we also have to open up to the idea that we don’t know how to do it with our minds. Psilocybin allows us to suspend the rigid concepts about relationships in the mind in order to arrive at new solutions and new ways of being in the world with those we love.
The answer to healing a toxic relationship is something that comes from the felt sense of our physical human bodies and the technology of these “high-tech human suits” that our spirits wear while we live on earth. In order to heal a toxic relationship, we have to release trauma from the high-tech human suit so that the “wild” felt sense of the body can communicate clearly with the rule-oriented mind. And then the mind has to listen to the body (which is where psilocybin integration therapy is useful). Love is about feeling, after all, and feeling happens in the body.
Most people who are truly motivated can solve serious relationship problems, even problems that involve cheating, violence, alcoholism or drug addiction, or a lack of commitment. These are relationship problems that are viewed as very black-and-white as so-called “deal-breakers”. But often, when people love each other, these “deal-breakers” actually break us as individuals when we try to separate ourselves from someone we truly love. Often, people who try to get rid of toxic relationships find themselves in new relationships several years later that have identical problems as the ones they just got out of.
I’m not advocating for people in violent, abusive relationships to stick around and allow their partners to abuse them, but rather to find safety and then take a step outside of the cultural prescriptions and acknowledge that perhaps there’s another way to approach the problem. Psilocybin, Ayahuasca, Sapito and other sacred medicines are an incredibly rich resource in terms of problem resolution in relationships. A person who is in an abusive situation will likely have to separate themselves physically from the situation, but then the work begins. A person who chooses this strategy can take psilocybin mushrooms with openness to the possibilities and sit with their broken heart, knowing that the message is going to give them some new resource that will probably be surprising, if not downright miraculous.
This work to heal from toxic relationships involves ourselves as individuals first. We release our trauma first. As the trauma is released, our minds open. We begin to feel and suddenly, our ability to “see” in a new way develops. As the mind opens, new possibilities enter into the paradigm. These new possibilities are usually surprising and not what the client expects. Psilocybin mushrooms specifically advocate on behalf of love, but they do so with a gentle touch, like the careful and systematic dismantling of a bomb. Many people understand, after they work with psilocybin through several trips, that they had become alienated from themselves and that this alienation from the self is one reason why they are having serious relationship problems. Anyone who chooses to work with psilocybin for relationships needs to realize that there is a process that will likely involve more than just one trip for toxic relationships with entrenched negative patterns. To undertake a psilocybin YEAR (or at least 3 months of regular trips and microdosing) is often necessary, but well worth it for people who want to overcome a toxic relationship pattern or patterns.
As people undertake a psilocybin year (or any period of psilocybin use that allows long-term, permanent changes in their thinking to evolve naturally through the process), they fix life problems that contribute in odd and surprising ways to toxic relationships. Taking psilocybin long-term is like reconnecting into Nature. Nature is THE resource from which everything in the world comes – every food item, every clothing item, every home, every medicine, and every physical object that we could want comes originally from nature. As we reconnect into the matrix of nature, we become aware of resources that we’re blind to as a result of trauma and an inability to feel. We become reconnected first and foremost to our Selves as powerful, wild beings that are here on earth to do more than just survive. We’re here to experience joy and to figure out how to overcome our problems despite all odds, not just bunker down and succumb to them.
Contact us now at info@medicinassagradas.com for information about how to buy psilocybing and online psilocybin integration therapy.